Alright now boys and girls
We've got another story for you now
We want to introduce to you
Another friend of the Bible
Hell yeah [x4]
If I were God there would be no
Explicit sex on T.V.
Like little Opie eating pie
When he made it with Aunt Bea
If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idol's
And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible
Thou shall make fun of Hindus thou shall not make a Speed 2
If I were God that's what I'd do Heavens no
Hell yeah [x4]
If I were God I'd get a bunch of slaves to do everything
Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing
If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with Flip-Flops
Thou shall sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap
Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins thou shall not cut Footloose
If I were God that's what I'd do Heavens no
Hell yeah [x4]
And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross
I'll tell them I found Jesus that should throw them off
He goes by the name Jesus and steals hubcaps from cars
Jesus can I borrow your crowbar?
To pry these goddamn nails out
They're beginning to hurt
Crucified and all I got was this lousy t-shirt
I Can't Believe It's Not Butter
I'll sing as I'm flogged
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God
So vote for me for savior and you'll go to heaven
Your lame duck lord is like Kevin Spacey in Seven
With creepy threats of H.E. double hockey stick
You just can't teach an old God new tricks
But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem?
If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy?
Just sport some crummy holier than thou facade
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God
