[Verso 1]
My full name's Cheltenham D.G.L.B. Digby
My diet consists strictly of single malt whisky
I'm particularly sesquipedalian
I've not published a single literary failure
And I'd speculate that's, mainly thanks to the fact
That I don't even write books, I just rap
Trust that, I'm a distinguished linguist
Whose voice's weapon of choice is English
A rhythm wrecking rhetorician, getting recognition
For the fact that I'm swagger's dictionary definition
On first look, you're ready for a second listen
I took your sister to third base, cherry picking
Heavy hitting, yet with incredible erudition
It's a travesty you haven't seen me rapping on your television
[Hook]
I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby
My witty words make your willy feel all wiggly
I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby
If folk don't dig me, they don't know diddly
[Verso 2]
Allow the grime scene for the time being
I turn the G into a C: crime scene
I'm the nightmare to come and wreck your nice dream
I'll open up your top like a double-decker; sightseeing
I ripped the Rolex off of Wiley (yoink!)
And now I wear it in my jacket pocket by my tie, see?
I'm the reason that your wife's seen the dry cleaner
Imbibing my seed like Ribena
I'll livestream it; widescreen
As she lies, semen smeared on her cheeks like a child eating ice cream
She might need a new dress; Lewinsky
I'm going mental on your crew's set; Klaus Kinski
I'll kick your mumsy in the mimsy with an air of whimsy
Then throw her down the stairs like a slinky
[Hook]
I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby
My witty words make your willy feel all wiggly
I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby
If folk don't dig me, they don't know diddly
[Verso 3]
Give me a mo, bro; Digby
Will make your ho go giggly, oh so quickly
The po-po tried to photofit me
I simply did this and they let me go; victory
I don't have any history, lathered in mystery
Someone phone Agatha Christie
My breath smells of a packet of Wrigley's
Mixed with whatever the hell my tobacconist gives me
I'll piggyback on the back of a pygmy
Screaming "quickly, quickly" while I'm jabbing his kidneys
From the Indies to Sydney and in between
A Cold War submarine is my limousine
A libertine with the sympathy of Mr. Bean
A prick that means to to be inflammatory; so bring your antihistamines
I'm Mr. Meanness, I bring a list of misdemeanours
Bigger than your sister's penis; how pissed the scene is
Just switch your speakers off if you're squeamish of
Completed treatises and theses on faeces
I'm the bee's knees; pollinating on the daily
I leave seeds, upon a range of lovely ladies
I ram-raided Hades, with a Mercedes
Camera in the deceased's faces: "say cheese!"
I'm from a place of make believe, and now I'm real
Slightly hallucinatory, is how I feel
Thou art kneeling before me; raw meat
Ready to be churned and then turned into corned beef
Balls deep in the rhythm like a porn scene
And jisming, it's beginning to get a bit like Wall Street
With all the greed, I'm growing taller than a broad bean
Drag you to the park; folded in half like a lawn seat
[Hook]
I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby
My witty words make your willy feel all wiggly
I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby
If folk don't dig me, they don't know diddly
